You Might Be a Runner

You Might Be a Runner If...
you are not embarrassed to show someone where your hamstring "really" hurts.
you can remember a time from a race 4 years ago, but you can't remember your friend's birthdays.
you can use endorphins in a sentence.
you check out the running stores for the new styles.
you could watch a whole marathon and not be bored.
you get excited when you hear that there is a new Gatorade flavor.
you get up earlier to run on the weekends than you do for school/work.
you have more T-shirts than a souvenir shop.
you install hooks in your shower for wet running clothes.
you know splits are something that not only cheerleaders care about.
you not only know how you did in a race, but you know exactly how every other runner finished.
you spend at least 25% of your income on running stuff.
you think of distances in terms of mile repeats.
you wear your running shorts underneath your work clothes so that you can quickly get running after work.
you won't drive by any running store without a quick look inside.
your friends know to never call you after 8:30 at night.
you've seen Chariots of Fire at least 5 times.

Funniest Joke in the World

Funniest Joke in the World According to Yahoo! (October 3, 2002)
Funniest Joke in the World:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
Runner Up:
PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."
DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."
Another Runner Up:
A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip. I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?' But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life.'"
Still Another Runner Up:
A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man."
The other man then replies: "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."
One More Runner Up:
TEXAN: "Where are you from?"
HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."
TEXAN: "OK - where are you from, jackass?"
And Still Another Runner Up:
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “That driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”
Amazing - Another Runner Up:
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300o C. The Russians used a pencil.
Last Runner Up:
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.” The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.” The dog replied, “But that would make no sense at all.”